Tuesday, 26 June 2007

The Wailing Wall

What is your favourite wall? I know mine, do you know yours? Mine is the one that is called the Wailing Wall – but don’t worry, it doesn’t really wail! That would be funny, wouldn’t it? You know, if there was a wall that cried real tears and felt sorry for itself! In fact, I am laughing so hard at the thought of it that I just fell off the wall I was sitting on. Now I feel like wailing! Or at least having a little weep as I try to stop the blood pouring from my temple.

Speaking of temples, do you know that behind the Wailing Wall is a temple called the Dome of the Rock? It’s really beautiful, and it contains hundreds and thousands of things called Muslims inside. Muslims are a bit like Jews – but don’t make them angry! If you do, they might start an intifada. In-ti-fa-da. Can you say intifada? I can – but I don’t. Do you know why? Because intifada is a naughty word, like right-of-return and one-state-solution. If you say it, you might have to leave Israel – and not for a holiday!

Anyway, the Wailing Wall and the Dome of the Rock are just two of the lovely things you can find in the Old City of Jerusalem. Two lovely things, for two lovely groups of people. Sometimes, when it’s very quiet and there are no stars in the sky, you can hear the sound of bullets hitting Muslims – but don’t be afraid! That’s just a little game that the Jews and the Muslims play between themselves, which helps them sort out their differences, and reminds the naughty Muslims to stop their intifada mischief!

Sometimes Muslims need reminding – like we all do, don’t we? So now let’s remind ourselves about the Old City. It has a Dome, and a? Yes, a Wall! So next time anyone tells you the Old City is just boring and plain, you can shout “No, no! It’s full of fun!”

Copyright MMVII - Independent Jewish Boyses (and Girlses)

Monday, 25 June 2007

We can pretend this is Texas

Nothing would sway the average Maaleh Adumim resident from believing they have every legal right to live in the city – at least, not whilst their own government continues to indulge them by turning the area into an idyllic retreat not a stone’s throw from Israel’s capital. This is the turning of dream into reality, as far as the expansionist plans of Israel’s leaders are concerned, or – from the Palestinian point of view – turning nightmare from fiction into fact. (Read on at commentisfree)

Sunday, 24 June 2007

Pistols and politics

The man on my right looked thoroughly bored. He had been cornered by a small, yapping man of 50, who was offloading half-baked conspiracy theories like an over-excited child, apparently driving his audience to distraction. The man on my right wore a blank, glazed expression and stared around the synagogue disinterestedly, as Yappy warmed to his theme, "I mean - the BBC actually apologised for calling Jerusalem the capital of Israel! Apologised! Can you believe it?" My right hand man barely blinked as he continued, "But seriously, like it won't belong till the UN vote Israel out. Yeah. Within 5 years, some Arab state will propose it, the UN will vote and bang! They'll dissolve Israel. Good bye."

This was the fourth time in as many hours that I had heard the yapman cram his three pet hates into one anecdote, and I was delighted finally to see another man as bored with his nonsense as I was. Or so I thought. But then the man to my right looked up at the yapper and fixed his gaze. He paused, heavy with solemnity, before finally speaking: "You ready for the war?" He asked. " ... It's gonna be big."

Fantastic. I was in a room full of idiots. (read on at commentisfree)

No one to counter the hate

"Yeah, we've got lots of famous NF leaders on the estate", said the mother of the household, bursting with pride. "He holds an annual dinner here, where he raises a lot of money from the neighbours to fund the NF Youth school over in Burnley." As we continued discussing the "Paki problem," as she so eloquently put it, she remarked: "me? I hate all them Pakis. Well, I say all, but not that friendly one at the corner shop - he's the nicest Paki I ever laid eyes on. But as for the rest of them ... " (read on at commentisfree)